Summer of Mrs. Jones 2005

May 15th to August 31st. 108 days. 14 weeks. An ID picture that's... questionable!

We often ponder on how things unfold in our lives; how each intricate encounter leads you to another. Who is the one who is weaving all these threads together? As strong as we think we are as humans, we are brought to our knees as to predicting the future. Restrictions are set before us. I would love to say that I am the one, the divine author of my own life. As long as I put my mind to it, it will be done. But I rather not set myself up to carry this responsibility but to surrender it to God. Again, is this just a religious textbook response? That depends on whether you know me as an individual who is full of irrelevance or have I proved my life with substance? God made me, therefore I need God.

The summer has been a time of total reliance on God. Man can give you the necessary training, advice and support, but when I am out there, I am all alone. I determined where I want to go, who I want to meet, how I want to do it and what I want to say. If there was just a merely ‘I’ out there bathing myself in the hot sun in a foreign land, facing rejections that would last a lifetime, shouldering personal and group expectations, and preserving my ethics and integrity, ‘I’ would have lost. I and God made it through this summer. But my sources did not just come from God alone. I fed off the perseverance of the rest of my peers; their persistence and enduring spirits. I fed off the successes of the few, knowing that possibilities exist. I fed off the guidance of many; their experiences and wisdom. I fed off the voices of my loved ones when I called back home. Those are my special meals, but what I drank as water is God!

One of my greatest joys is to be among my own people. MALAYSIA Boleh! It is like eating good curry for me. It is hard to find good curry or rather, good Malaysian food in the entire USA. But when I find it, I enjoyed it eventhough I can’t quite endure spicy food as much and most importantly, tasting it, brought me closer to home. Home is a place where I am accepted, wanted and loved. It is where I can truly be myself without being scrutinized by those who do not share the same background as I do. Nobody fully comprehends you outside of home. When you are outside of home, people tend to make you fit into their box and because of that, many of us are pressured to ‘fit in’. Being home, you have your own room(identity), car(freedom), friends(people who understand you) and parents(people who love you no matter what). Things suited you instead of you being pressed to blend in.

My eyes and heart were opened up to a lot of things. I actually cried one Sunday because God spoke and assured me of His promises. The main thing is that I cried. The last time I remember crying instead of just shedding a tear or two is 1994. It was an emotional breakthrough for me. Nevertheless, it has nothing to do with any of the Mrs. Jones that I should give any credit to. It is about God being real to me at that very moment. Another thing that stirred me up within is being in the homes. Within each home, despite how blunt our senses are, we are able to feel its nerves when we stay there long enough. The majority is rather sad and really helped me appreciate my own non-perfect family. I have chosen to learn instead of judge, and also to pray with them when the opportunity permits. Indeed there is more to receive than to give when I refrained from the pleasure of closing. The churches that I have visited has both enriched my spiritually and caused my heart to grief. Only few have enriched and that includes those in ministerial positions. I can only pray that God will have His way in fulfilling the needs of those who are holding dearly to His calling and in correcting those who are shamefully living as Pharisees. As Apostle Paul had said, without love, any actions are in vain. Again, there is more to be convicted about than to judge when I refrained from seeing it through my own eyes. I am never able to cast the first stone.

What have I learned aside from what were written in my journals? I have learned to appreciate my past, and that with unceasing perseverance, there will be light at the end of the tunnel. Each experience is a stepping stone for the next experience. Just as one door will lead you to the next, it is up to me to keep on knocking so that I will get to the door where there will be treasures unknown. It has enlightened me to know that I have to go through numerous rejections before I am able to get to the right one. That is just life, more strive than glory. If I had allowed myself to stop and be butchered by my emotions, I will never find what I am looking for or get to where I need to be. This has no doubt made me strong – emotionally and spiritually. Despite the savory soul food, I did not change much physically, thanks to the mobile sauna that I have been driving around in all summer.


To the rookies of 2005,
The rest of your year or even tomorrow is no doubt affected by today. Yet, it is not for us to feel as though we have done it all or unable to do anything more. Feelings are just feelings; they do not dictate your life. There is no point holding on to past glories or failures. We all need to move on and face greater challenges. Good bye Doubt and Fear!!! (God, I’m glad that I don’t have to sing that song anymore). Do say good-bye to them. If you need help, do consider what I have used throughout this summer that worked for me – God, my belief factor! It has been a pleasure knowing you all and thanks for bringing Malaysia to me.


To the managers of 2005,
Thank you for your patience and guidance. My foremost thanks go to Kenny Lee Kok Wah. Thanks to those who have given me advices, namely Sheau Huei, Stanley, Woei Hsian, Geok Thye, Yen and Kevin. And those during Sales School - Schmichael, Ching Ching, Juliet and Hon Boon.